Just before Thriveabetes took place, Aileen O’Reilly, Travel journalist often found in the pages of the Irish Examiner, sent me another blog post on her “Toe Troubles” which, sadly, meant that she could not attend :-(
Aileen was diagnosed with diabetes over 37 years ago at age 10 years and has been sharing her journey with us and her positive attitude, in spite of it causes me to have huge admiration for her.
Aileen’s first and second installments of this foot journey can be found:
Diabetes Can, Sometimes, Get in the Way but It Doesn’t have to Stop You (part 1 of Toe-ing the Line)
Toe-ing The Line (part 2 of this foot story)
Learning to Cope with the Unscheduled Pit Stops
By Aileen C. O'Reilly
"Remember - sometimes, even when you're doing everything right, things can go wrong" .
These words of sage advice were given to me several years ago by my diabetes specialist Kevin Moore - at the time I was high on being a reformed type 1 diabetic after years of running from the condition.
I hadn't a clue what he was talking about and was sure whatever it was had nothing to do with me.
I was checking my blood sugars 8 times a day, eating healthily, getting my life back on track. I was fully in control - what could possibly go wrong when I was being so careful??
It is only in the past year, after 4, no 5, unexpected sojourns in hospital (most of them surgical) that I have finally come to fully appreciate what Dr. Moore was saying to me...
Initially, finding myself in A&E faced with yet another worrying foot infection (how the hell did this happen!? I am so bloody careful!!) I was filled with a sense of failure and an even more overwhelming sense of absolutely no control over what was happening to me.
My career, which I'd been so busy rebuilding, was being derailed yet again by this cursed condition… Here I was being forced into pyjamas and the role of a patient for the umpteenth time and by God I was kicking against it with a vengeance…
I cried, I railed against the unfairness of it all. "it's not f@€king fair!!!" What was the point in minding myself if this was what happened anyway!?
Stupid question…
If I hadn't been minding myself I wouldn't have been skipping out of the hospital 3 days after a toe amputation and fully healed within 9.
If I hadn't been minding myself I quite simply might not have healed at all…
Feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to enable me in any way - I soon realised that the doctors weren't my enemy and the hospital wasn't my end destination. It was, and is, a pit stop with a team dedicated to getting me stronger and back on track.
Changing my viewpoint has played a huge role in allowing me to get a whole lot more out of each of these unplanned "pit stops".
These days, with so many stays under my belt, I point blank refuse to loll about in the uniform of pyjamas when I'm unexpectedly pulled "inside" . I get up and shower at stupid o'clock - well in advance of my team's visit - and greet them fully dressed to discuss my progress. We laugh and chat and I feel some modicum of control over my own health whilst simultaneously knowing the comfort and security of being in safe hands.
"Stop faffing!!" I tell my poor beleaguered parents and extended family who look and sound crestfallen at the latest complication imposed by my condition, "it's just a pit stop. Nobody died or is gonna die. I'll get it sorted and be back to normal inside of a couple of weeks".
… and I do.
My close friends know better than to look worried or sound piteous - a man I had started seeing was roared at and unceremoniously dumped in the dog house after uttering the damning words "oh you poor little baby. Don't worry I'm on my way over to sit with you and hold your hand".
Eh, what?? No you bloody well ARE NOT!! *insert sound of old-fashioned phone being unceremoniously slammed down*
In hospital my diabetes control remains in my own hands. If I'm in for surgery I ask for "hours out" on the days leading up to it so I'm not confined to the premises and that in itself helps me maintain a sense of normality.
My career does not come to a shuddering halt - I continue writing articles and planning trips - allowing the necessary time before full physical service can be resumed.
Yes, with diabetes things can go wrong despite your best efforts but for the love of God don't impede your own recovery by giving up on the life you want and the experiences you hold dear.
People are out there paralysed in wheelchairs chasing their dreams and bullishly determined not to let their disabilities define them - we all have some struggle in our lives, we regularly go to the cinema to be uplifted by movies about overcoming impossible odds and rising like Rocky triumphant, punching the air after racing up those famous steps.
I regularly remind myself of this fact and blare Titanium in my earphones (along with a litany of euphoric dance tracks at 10+) if I'm suffering from a Poor Me day.
The way I see it Formula 1 race cars regularly leave the track for fine tuning - and they return faster, better and stronger.
I'm sitting on my hospital bed as I write this post, tomorrow morning I'll be wheeled down to the theatre to have a bone shaved back after a toe amputation in August. This time last week I was in Playa Blanca in a 5 star hotel travel writing and having an absolute ball with a fantastic bunch of people.
There was nothing wrong with my foot.
In two weeks time I aim to be off somewhere else with another equally fantastic bunch of travel writers looking back on this latest unanticipated "hiccup".
I have learned to live in the moment and appreciate my health when it is good and quickly take the necessary steps if it is going wrong.
Nothing will stop me. I am determined diabetes will be a part of my life NOT its definition.
I am ti-tan-iiiiiiiii-uuuuuum!!!
Thank you so much for sharing Aileen.
Other writing by Aileen:
Putting it all on the table - Diabetes, eating disorder, depression, cancer
Interview with Stephen Naughton’s “Good Boss, Bad Boss” Podcast series.